Dark Stain, Great Grace
"I have an empty picture frame on my desk that once held my ordination credential. I never thought I would lose it, but who does? I sinned, lost my reputation and ministry, was arrested, placed on probation, and became financially bankrupt." The tragedy, like dragging a cloud over a sun-filled day, was felt in the broken hearts of a spouse and children, in the sinking gut of every other pastor, and in the wounded pride of laypeople betrayed by a minister. It is not that moral failure was inevitable, but rather that godliness was deferred. This journey is ancient with memory of that grim battalion of clergy who fell away and never returned, yet fresh with reminders of those who sought restoration.
Circumstance: The Trap is Set
Enter Bill*, son of an alcoholic but hardworking father. Unpaid rent meant a revolving door of new neighborhoods, schools, and friends. By age 10, Bill was earning money to buy his own clothes and help support his family but struggled with confusion, fear, low self-esteem, and feelings of abandonment.
Temptation is subtle, and may meet us in discouragement when we feel small and devalued as children, working the angles until it strikes the heart.
By whatever circumstance, the enemy will stake his claim in the fertile soil of youth. And the trap is set.
Pride: The Trap Is Sprung
Bill was a capable pastor. He was trusted to receive, deposit, and disburse funds for youth and Sunday school auxiliaries. Shunning the ghosts of childhood, he now enjoyed influence and control. But the pride that fueled his strong work ethic and advanced his career slowly turned his heart toward self-sovereignty. Bill stole from apportionments and registration deposits. To cover his theft he forged annual audit reports and destroyed records. Embezzlement and forgery coexisted in strange alliance with the other world of preaching and pastoral care. Seeking temporary satisfaction, he was shaped by an irrational-made-rational desperation that pervades self-gratification. In doing things his way, self-sovereignty, the antithesis of godliness, revealed the dark side of pride. And the trap was sprung.
Bill is straightforward: "All through my life and ministry I have known that a part of my nature is to desire power, make a name for myself, to gather attention around me, and to have my own way. At times I have conquered this desire, but more often than not it has conquered me. When I think about this, I am deeply troubled because I know that I am never more like the Enemy of my soul than when I thirst for power."
Discipline: Facing Consequences with a Tender Conscience
Questions led to an inevitable confession: he had stolen from the district for ten years and covered his tracks with forgery, falsified statements, and destroyed documents. Stunned, the District Advisory Board spent months with Bill determining the amount stolen, which funds were affected, and where the money went. The conversations, stilted due to Bill's fear of consequences, were tragically lengthened by his duplicity. Discipline would include surrender of his credential and resignation from his pastorate. Bill faced a felony criminal charge, bankruptcy, unemployment, and the discipline of repaying creditors.
The District Advisory Board and I agreed it would be merciful if the court would reduce the felony charge to a misdemeanor so that Bill's life would not be immeasurably scarred. Because it was a first offense, the court agreed. He was placed on two years probation and returned a sizable legal trust fund to the district. Coupled with a large insurance settlement, the district regained much of what was believed to be stolen. Grace was at work in Bill's life. I first met him at a church altar, and his remorse and contrition were as genuine as I have seen. He has maintained a tender conscience.
Accountability: Living Responsibly in a World of Risk
The district's Rehabilitation and Restoration Committee required a year of monthly meetings and professional counseling (at district expense). We listened, prayed, agonized, and questioned, sometimes with skepticism: "Have you lied to us today?" The District Advisory Board and Ministerial Credentials Committee votes recommending restoration were conducted according to Manual provisions. Voting was not unanimous, indicating the extent of uncertainty after three years.
The Board of General Superintendents decided to wait another year to consider restoration due to the many years of Bill's deception. He was given limited ministerial engagement, which included preaching. The district's accountability included: a unified district treasury system with one treasurer for all entities, a strict receipt and voucher system, and money handled by a minimum of two people. Bill's accountability included: reading the Bible for personal edification, refusing to harbor secret sins, not blaming others, saying "no" to secondary ministry opportunities regardless of added prestige, avoiding positions that involved handling funds, living within his means, openness with his spouse, and continuing with an accountability partner. He is blessed with a loving wife and two grown children. Considerable thought, effort, prayer, and time accompany the restoration of a minister.
At the 2007 District Assembly Bill was restored as an elder in the Church of the Nazarene. When institutional trust is granted individual trust is tested. My task is to locate a church that will give Bill a second chance. Is our own grace great enough for that?
*Actual names have not been used, in order to protect identities during the continuing process of restoration.
Holiness Today, September/October 2007
Please note: This article was originally published in 2007. All facts, figures, and titles were accurate to the best of our knowledge at that time but may have since changed.
